Overcome your fear of change — I did it after 21 years.

From anxiety to acceptance. What “changed”?

Photo by kilarov zaneit on Unsplash

It was the end of summer.

I had my homework finished, shoes polished, school uniform ready and everything packed by the door.

While my mother was plaiding my hair in the morning, I was crying.

Because school had started again and it was a change from a 60-day summer break.

Was I a 10 year old?

Nope.

I was in 10th standard. I was 16. And I liked my school.

It happened every time I came back from my cousins’ place in summer vacation and had to go to school. Things would be fine by day 2 but gosh, the days before all anxiety and tears.

I thought.. I’m a single child and I miss having company — that’s why.

Then when I was 18, college happened.

My parents went to drop me off 1000 miles away from home, in the mountains where my university campus was.

I hated mountains, I didn't like small cities and the campus looked like forest — which made me insecure.

I had a breakdown for 6 hours. My parents were in dismay. And sad, ofcourse.

I thought — it’s my first time away from home. That’s why.

The second they went away, and I was alone in that campus — I was fine. I was excited for my first day of classes.

But I swear, before that it felt like the world was closing on me, that I had no one, and that things will never be the same.

I started noticing a pattern — I used to be upset as soon as I set out for college after every vacation while knowing I’d be okay as soon as I reach there.

When I was in the 3rd year of my college, I went to another university for my internship and god give me strength, cried for another 8 hours.

My parents were livid by then. I won’t blame them.

I was an independent 20-year-old, with enough experience to live outside, away from them, and I was having a breakdown over living in a new place for ONLY 2 months.

Till then, I had concluded — I hate changes. I’m scared of them.

I’ve been fortunate to have a happy life.

Even if I am upset about things or don't want to be somewhere, I find comfort, routine, and happiness.

So as soon as any change happens, I go crazy thinking I’ll never have the same comfort again. Things are about to change. Nothing will ever be the same again and I’ll never be happy.

It’s illogical but that’s how it plays in my head. I am scared of losing my old life.

Then 2020 happened. The world stopped down.

My university closed and I came back to live with my parents.

I had solitude to think about life, myself, and my fear of changes.

I won't lie, I wanted to seek therapy for this or read some books.

But for my first step — I observed myself.

When I went back to all the years of crying, anxiety, and thinking the world had collapsed — I realized..

1. It didn’t.
2. I coped up. I coped up the second the change happened. And I found my comfort, and routine in new places.
3. Every change brought a new experience, and I was fortunate enough that all of them had been overall good.

For a few days, instead of blaming myself for being anxious shit during changes, I appreciated that I was able to adjust. That I was independent the moment I was left alone and that I was a strong person.

And every change, every new place taught me something new. I was happy and proud of the person I was becoming — and that was a product of all the experiences I had and changes I lived.

Of course, this was all in my brain. These were only realizations.

Until 2022 happened.

2022 had two of the biggest changes in my life, yet.

1. I had to leave home again to come 2000+ miles away for my job.
2. My parents were shifting the home I had grown up in.

The second was a BIG DEAL. That was the only place in the world, I had known as “home” or felt “home”

Whenever shit used to hit the fan in college, I’d imagine being in my home, on my bed, and being at peace.

So when in February 2022, my father said they were thinking of shifting houses seriously, all hell broke loose.

I couldn't sleep for days, I wanted to capture the image of my room forever and it felt like everything was slipping. Life was moving forward and I was losing what I loved.

I thought — that’s it.

F it.

Offices were opening then but they were not THAT mandatory.

And all I wanted was to run away.

So, I decide before the biggest change falls on me, I’ll go ahead and shift. Do a lil change in life myself.

I got my tickets and started planning to shift.

In all that planning, I observed — I was excited. I knew everything was changing but I wanted to test how I’d cope up.

I cried only once at the airport and apart from that, I was fine.

I was excited to see what this new journey would bring, what new goals I’d have, what new routines I’ll make.

The new city turned out to be good.

Yes, I had my ups and downs but I was lucky to find my gang. Maybe I manifested my luck because I had a positive outlook from the start.

Oh and about the other bomb — they changed the house.

I did not like being there the first time around.

But when I went there the second time, we had started making memories in the new house — so it felt a tad bit more welcoming.

I was not upset, I was okay being there.

And OKAY was a huge level for someone who used to be scared of the “school change” at 15.

What I have learned about life and changes, in my 24 years of experience is

• Changes are constant — everyone will say it. But only people who are terrified of them know how bad it is. That being said, if you struggle with changes…
• Start making a list of all the good things that happened to you after the change. You’ll have data. Logics. And that’ll make you know that they were not bad after all.
• If you want to improve your emotional reaction— Start with observing. Observe why you feel x and what you do later.
  Once you’ve observed — appreciate yourself.
  This one step changed everything for me.

Once I stopped getting angry at myself for reacting the way I do and started being appreciative — I felt secure and confident.

If I could do it earlier, I can do it now.
That made me confident when I moved to the new city. I knew everything will be okay. It always has been. And I’ll make it okay.

• You’d be less scared of life — if you kept the data and record of how good you’re at it. You made it here, you’re happy, and you’re doing great. And you made it here from a young age. You can of course make it to the older shit from your present age.

I could not do a lot of things in 2022 — on the professional front as I was busy adjusting. But I’m happy that I conquered my fear to a large extent.

And for that plus two heavy changes, 2022 will always be special.

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